Stop waking up all the olds in Canterbury

Uniformed marshals will be pacing the streets of Canterbury town centre on Wednesday, Friday and Saturday nights to stop raucous students from disturbing locals.

From September, they’ll patrol from Christ Church all the way to Forty Acres road, there will be no escaping the blokes who’s only job is to put a downer on your BNO.

And to make things even lamer, these marshals aren’t even part of the police force. They’re just glorified street bouncers with no formal power other than the ability to take your name and address (if you can even remember what it is after another classic night at Cuban).

these lols will be memories if they have their way

The lols will be a thing of the past if they have their way

Previously titled the “Safest Uni town in the UK”, Kent is pretty d.e.a.d as it is.

So how much do we really need these blokes in uniform stopping us from shouting about how great our free McDonald’s cheese burger is? Are we really that mental?

Second year student Jonathan said: “It’s a bit excessive, especially given that they can’t actually do anything.”

Although it will make walking home a bit safer, and might stop Canterbury’s bevved bellends from lighting people’s hair on fire in McDonald’s.

Looks like campus watch have got competition.


  • Chris Kaye

    I heard Chris Kaye is running for president again

  • Moya Bnajo

    Yo what’s up, I’ll be running for DPCS and renaming it DPCN or Deputy President Club Nights. My job will be organising the sickest nights out for Imperial students on a regular basis, much like my current job as ‘king of party’ (unofficial) but with the added knowledge that your best interests in terms of drinks deals at Lightbox will be represented at all levels of the SU.


  • Jack Hewitt’s ego

    Just to confirm that I, Hewitt’s ego, will be running for Felix Editor and turning it into the glorious redtop that my tenure at the tab has proven you all want it to be.

    I will start page 3 again where I talk to naked people about fiscal policy and every front page will just be a picture of me with ‘Hewitt update: still awesome’ as the headline.

    Giving the people what they want and then some.

  • Anon

    So if they have no power and only take names and addresses, what is to stop people just ignoring them…